Under the milky way tonight: about romcoms, dreams come true and being back.

A really good new friend, that turned into super close twin soul super fast and that also blogs, told me she does it every once in a while (blogging), as often as she feels like it. I did it intensely the first two weeks after opening it (I think that a Blog it´s like gallery, a gallery of ideas where you exhibit what you think about certain subjects and develop your ideas through words, so, I opened it, like a spot you walk by in the streets) I eagerly talked about this and that and then got hooked into school and life, responsibilities and lost it for a few months, but this is retaking it, only knowing that I will do it just like this beautiful writer friend whose Poppy Red birthday color I like so much.

I write in first person, fearless of criticism; I am me and this is what I think of where I am right now. That is, living a dream I had since I was little.

I have always loved cinema, at some point I was so sure I would become a film director, a filmmaker, more independent than commercial, but still accesible, more like a Wachowski brother, because I love art and stuff, but I also like to fly first class and to be pampered by a swedish masseuse every now and then. So I would watch lots of movies, some of them were full milestones for me, like Luis Buñuel´s Belle de Jour or Won Kar Wai´s In The Mood For Love. I ended up studying communication, then cinema for a year (more like producing and appreciation, script writing than directing) and then Architecture from scratch, afterwards Interior Architecture and Design. This is not a subliminal way of showing you my resume, I´m actually making a point, although it usually takes me longer than the average person. Anyways I took a different path and I love it.

Eventually kept watching movies and Only You (1994) crossed my eyes in the movie theatre in Horton Plaza in San Diego´s downtown and got myself a ticket: I have always been very fond of Robert Downey Jr´s work, this one was a romcom (i love romcoms) and Marisa Tomei was in it, and that was the time when we all thought Marisa Tomei was going to be as big as Julia Roberts, so I watched it and loved it. Set in Italy,  in the story the couple takes a trip to the Amalfi Coast, to Positano, I was instantly mesmerized by the views, the setting in general was so beautiful, and by then Europe in general was only a dream to me (I went to Europe first in 1995), no idea where that was and in those days I was using internet mostly to chat via ICQ, no way browsing where that place was was even an option, so, I knew it was the coast of Italy and that´s it.

Romcom wise I have very good taste, in general I have very good taste but I´m even more tasteful when it comes to romcoms (my super twin soul also loves romcoms, that just one of the hundred things we share in common), so when Under The Tuscan Sun (2203) came out I went straight to the theatre and watched it, no matter the 500% more expensive price of the ticket, that was no issue, Diane Lane was in it and Sandra Oh made her first very big appearance. Alas! I loved it! How could´t I, my favorite elements were there, house make over, food, Italy, a story of success and a very handsome man, plus the Amalfi Coast with Limoncello and all. By then I was lucky enough to be going to Europe once or twice a year (among other continents, I of course expanded my horizons), and never visited the coast of Amalfi, then it became even more a dream, and not just a regular size one, but a humongously gigantic dream, a goal and a worth working for it one.

Now I write this lines in a beautiful terrace on top of the town of Amalfi (it´s more like a kinda bigger town than a small city, last night barefoot kids were running over the main street while smiling and shouting with enthusiasm, I guess they were playing, and city kids don't usually run without shoes in the main streets of their hometown cities), happy and feeling blessed to be here, the company is perfect, the weather it´s just right, super sunny the last three days and kinda of overcast and rainy today, giving me the opportunity to take a breath, seat in this privileged platform and retake this project of a blog (although I´m ok with it because I know the next two days are sunny and warm again). I can pour my bloody and  overgrown  heart in words of admiration for this place, whatever I have dreamed about here was surpassed by the actual experience of being here, all expectations covered, super scrumptious food, fabulous views left and right, awesome new experiences (I drove a boat for the first time, no supervision, twice, two hours every time), cristal clear turquoise waters where you swim as if in a swimming pool (although I haven't been able to conquer my fear of sharks I did swim for like 10 minutes and that´s something), perfect stary nights where you can totally (but like TOTALLY) see the milky way... and then play Under the Milky Way Tonight by the Church with your love by the side, this place it´s just magical.

Drops of water fall over the roofed pergola and it´s loud, it rains even harder now, I turn up the volume and play the church again, that track sets the perfect mood even during the day in this place.

Dreams come true, I know I am into this 11:11 thing and I embrace it with love and a big smile, all of it it´s true, at least for me. I once wished I could come here and live everything I am living right at this moment, it came true, ergo, dreams come true, as simple as that, I stay where I want to stay and tomorrow I´m heading to Le Sirenuse, the jewel that will crown this trip, and that´s like three days prior its end, so I know there´s even more to come. I am blessed, we are blessed, I say that with my writer friend (we are so close and so sharp when we are together... LOL), we say it like a joke but we mean it, 100%, I am blessed to be here and to see what I´ve seen, what I see and what I´m going to see (I was gonna say "gonna" but it seemed more appropriate "going to" to press more power and drama to the phrase).

I will tell you more about Le Sirenuse in Positano, you can check it out in my Tripadvisor profile, I am such a contributor there, I love to review stuff, and places are perfect to review, I´m usually very light hearted to score places, but I´m also blunt and brutally honest when it comes to say that a place is shit, Tripadvisor is for us (us) travelers and I would never betray the trust that´s been placed in me, this is no game, right?

Did I ever told you about the time I shared bathroom with Gael García Bernal in a hostel in Madrid? With open showers and all

When I was little, I always thought of Paris as a dream, very Disneyland like, having in mind that I visited the Disneyland park in Anaheim, California when I was 3 years old for the first time, and the images I had in my mind years later, were like steels of me enjoying, smiling, surrounded by castles, gardens, super clean streets and stuff. I always dreamed of flying to Paris and thought it was going to be, if not exactly like that, at least similar in spirit, everything like in the movies.

I have already mentioned that I have been lucky enough to have travelled around the world since I was a teenager, my sister and I without parents but with their full support (in every way). The first time in Europe was kind of delayed because Egypt and the Middle East in general got into our way and we left for almost six weeks to an unexpected adventure to a place didn´t even crossed our minds we were going to visit (and connect with as strongly as we did). After these unrepeatable first weeks in the Middle East a nonstop flight to Paris from Cairo was the beginning of a very anticipated french experience.

My first impression was good, I have always had the capacity to see beauty no matter the circumstances, always keeping realistic expectations but being the dreamer I am. The city welcomed us cloudy, humid and warm, kinda grey and a little dirty, as I have mentioned before, dog shit all over town but wearing a dignity with no rivals, like an old french actress from the 50s and 60s, think of Catherine Deneuve today, wrinkled but still beautiful and more elegant than ever. The opera wasn´t till renewed by the time and many façades were cover with scaffoldings and under restoration.

The maintenance of the city was fine, food as well, all ever heard and even better than that, croissants, pastries, cheese, everything was great, the only detail was the language, parisians in general weren´t very fond of the americans at the time, and I was living in San Diego, California with my family then and even I was carrying a mexican passport, that would make me american-ish, ergo they were´t very fond of us either.

Every time I tried to communicate I would mumble something nasal like french and they would be like "Quoi!!!???", then I would ask if they´d speak english and they were like "No english, espagnol!!", I would start speaking spanish and they would be like "No idea… desolé" and there we were, trying to survive in a place we loved but we kinda also hated.

Service in France is not the best, waiters are payed well by the hour and they just have to limit themselves to put whatever you managed to order in the table and that´s it, if you ask for anything in particular that´s extra, like salt, pepper or onion, you better start eating and say good bye to whatever you ordered extra, they would appear for a polite "is everything ok?" and then to deliver "L´addition", the bill, expecting no tip, people don´t usually tip in Paris or France.

The point of the story is, the first time I came to Paris I left 3 or 4 days earlier than what we planned to the-ever-friendly capital of Spain, Madrid with the Tintos de Verano in the sidewalks. We left loving the city and hating the people, nobody wanted to speak to us and the attitude of the parisians was awful, especially for three teenagers traveling here for the first time (a great friend of my sister and I was doing the trip with us). I personally kinda promised to myself I wasn't coming back… but my competitive personality had second thoughts, and as soon as I was back home, I got into french lessons and decided I was going back a year after, only this time speaking french and making myself clear around town. After that, I kept studying french while I studied architecture, the whole 5 years, and always returned to Paris, at least once a year to practice all that I´ve learned along the year.

Today I got myself into french lessons again, for the first time in Paris, at La Sorbonne, they asked me why I wanted to keep studying french and I told the story again after many years, realizing how much in love I am now with the city I thought I hated the first time, how much I love the language I could´t articulate at the beginning of my affair with Paris. Now that I´m here I walk the streets and go to the bakery almost every day and understand what is to be where once I dreamed to live, like a dream you don´t really think you will accomplish, but that turns into the most amazing surprise and a great omen for the other places I have wished to live, a couple more and both of them by the beach and California.

When I make a wish, it´s not like I say what I want just in case. When I make a wish I make it with the certainty that it is greatly probable that it will come true and smile, and then I thank because in my mind that wish it´s already true and on its way.

Did I ever told you about the time I shared bathroom with Gael García Bernal in a hostel in Madrid? With open showers and all. I will tell you tomorrow, happened in the same trip right after Paris.

When a potential Horror Movie Story collides with one´s real life

This weekend has been a pretty loose one, in a good way, taking things easy and disconnecting from everything in general. Fitness activities were privileged; a collective session of many different cardio activities sponsored by an important sports brand, everything took place in one of the most iconical buildings in the City of Light, Le Grand Palais, by the Seine and on for more than four hours, started at dusk and finished when the 5000 assistants were about to drop dead, not that far, but at 10 pm during the winter in a "nonexistent heater" hangar size structure, covered in glass, the temperature tends to low fast. After a long session we all were done and Cambodian Food near the Opera Garnier was the best closure for a very active day.

By this time, I have to drop the third person writing and tell one of my stories.

Not too long, I ran a whole marathon in Los Angeles, my first one, after a few half marathons I felt ready and close to home it felt safe (I grew up in San Diego and southern California is home), the forecast in general was good, I was already well trained and my best super friend and brother Jorge would escort me along the way, stopping every two or three miles to encourage me (he driving my car). By that time, Jorge lived in this awesome apartment complex in Irvine, California, not to far from Newport Beach (place I love very much). I got to his place in saturday morning, we spent the evening hanging out together around the area and we left not to late in the afternoon and headed our ways to Downtown L.A. We got there, and since the marathon would start at the Dodger´s Stadium, we decided for a hotel not far but still in the area.

The chosen hotel was convenient for many reasons, super inexpensive, well located, a historic piece of edification and it looked pretty awesome in the pictures at booking.com, so we went for it. The check in was fine, the hotel seemed older in person, like always, but nothing more than the expected. The area was from so-so to OK, so, for a night stay for a couple of friends that wasn´t important, we were there to go to bed early, a long run of a bit more than 26 miles awaited the after´s morning.

To be honest, the place gave the creeps as one would get in, very The Shining like energy, recently renovated, but with the old vibe that stays and never leaves of "things" that probably happened there, for my benefit, ignorance was bliss and we stayed there, in a very tall room with back side view, not knowing what I will detail next.

Much to my surprise, the shower was inside but the toilettes were communal, that wasn´t pointed out at the website, then again, we are pretty laid-back, no prob there. another confession, when I had to go to the toilette I had to do it on my own and long (very The Shinning like again) hallways and turns were to be walked before getting there, but I was with my very straight brother-like best friend, and I wasn´t gonna ask him to escort me, although I did and he refused, so I went on my own and came back running like crazy.

The next day we woke up at 6 am and headed to the stadium, the crowd was growing by the minute, the skies were cloudy and the morning was crispy but OK. Then the time to start the run arrived and down came the rain… more like a drizzle, that became a soft rain that turned into a horrible storm that lasted for the 4 hours and 30 minutes my ran took, a bit more than I expected, although taking the wild conditions, the freezing temperature, the fact that we were running in 4 inches of cold water at many points and that the radiation from the Fukushima Nuclear Plant was expected to arrive that same day with that same rain into count, I think I did pretty well.

At the end I´m here, proud of my medal and always love the times when my friend Jorge and I get to do brotherly activities together, that make men bond (doesn´t matter if one´s gay and the other one straight) and bonding and building memories with my brother makes a happy day.

Today, I was browsing pages and ran into a very interesting one, Top 10 real horror stories that would make a great movie, immediately got into it and by number 3 I was more than hooked, I was reading and simultaneously looking for further information about the story I was reading in other tabs; number 3 was the story of Elisa Lam, a Vancouver 21 old girl who was vacationing in L.A. in january 2013 and was captured in video in one of the elevators behaving in a strange manner, she was never to be seen again after that video and was found, unexplainably, in one of the sealed water tanks in the rooftop of the hotel she was staying two weeks later, because some of the guests complained for the "funny" taste and color of the water coming out of the faucets and showers.

Since I was completely captured by the whole thing and nothing seemed to make sense, I went further and inquired into the subject, ending up in google maps looking for the address, but to my surprise and agains my secret wishes, the hotel where everything happened was nonetheless the one Jorge and I stayed, and the creeps it gave us when we got in were not just us being afraid of nothing, the place has been the house of two serial killers, one of them kept the bodies inside; also, countless suicides have taken place since it was built in the 1920s.

Today´s post is about how clever we really are. The building it´s fairly beautiful, lives through it´s age and style and wears a good amount of dignity; the lobby is impressive and it is clear it has been recently renovated. We are clever because as we got in, the vibe the place gave made us feel uncomfortable and despite that we kept going (we weren´t that clever there), had a good night sleep and wrapped it up for the stay very early the next morning, harmless and in one piece.

Now knowing that I stayed in that place, make me feel the creeps even more. I have been more than overwhelmed, a bit scared and a big deal relieved, got goosebumps a few times and couldn´t stop thinking about the fact that I probably took the elevator where she was seen for the last time by a surveillance camera a few months later.

For more in that story and to see the video, click in this link and see how it makes you feel.

http://vigilantcitizen.com/vigilantreport/mysterious-case-elisa-lam/

Looking… In third person and the love for music and memories

One usually plays music to create an ideal atmosphere for anything in special and everything in particular. It´s not hard to choose the selection, in this world plagued with different styles and artists, the proposals are countless, and the options as varied as the heads in a major metropolis. Of course the favorites are usually favored, in this case the selection started with Empire of the Sun, Ice on the Dune the album, the first track skipped to get to the point a few minutes prior and whatever was in mind, that by that time felt imminent, suddenly fades to the coast of California in Newport Beach, blue sky with some clouds and a sun that feels like silk in the middle of the day, and that tastes like ambrosia when in the middle of winter in Paris at dusk.

The occasions where a sound records in one´s head like a tattoo in the skin are not plenty. Empire of the Sun is about Orange County, not about Australia or Coachella, the first accords of the band where played loud as the door opened in the best friend´s apartment, the roommate (now one of the very special friends) with flawless taste did not hesitate in press play and pump up the volume, the music was worth every risk of being deft when very old; the basic memory: getting in, stopping for recognition of the voice, the tone and the electronic effects and other instruments, nothing like this before, the best gift of that weekend, getting to have one more favorite band or artist that would put inspiration in motion. All of Empire of the Sun is worth loving, the memories are specially triggered by We Are The People, with a vision of white african-like tents lighten low from the inside, the twelve of them scattered in a Vineyard in Ensenada in the middle of the night, 1 am, out loud and the main wooden structure that serves as dining area and common place brings life to the darkness that embraces, it is the hotel Cuatro Cuatros and one gets goosebumps; DNA from the second album brings California to mind, not because it was listened there the first time, but because the sound will always refer to there, near the Pacific Highway, very close to the water and where the sun feels like silk in the middle of the day.

After Queer As Folk folded up its last season, many members of the gay community felt a little orphan, I would call it that, not that the show had a motherly spirit whatsoever, but it was nice to see ourselves projected, even though it was pretty surreal at times, but at the end it was very aspirational for many, served as an introductory televised course into homosexuality for some, caricaturized for some opinions (it was crazy sometimes how Brian Kinney was this one sided bitch addicted to sex with barely legals, fighting to hide his feeling at any cost) but it entertained us for good five seasons.

The 19th of january was the first aired episode of HBO´s original series Looking, a gay themed series with Jonathan Groff (Glee), Frankie J. Alvarez and Murray Bartlett (you may remember this beautiful show dealer Oliver Spencer in Sex & The City, one episode character, but handsome and charming enough to me remembered) in charge of the main characters. Episode 1 felt OK, weird but OK, like a first date with an anticipated person that has been promised to be with you since months ago. General critics were good, for the viewers (the opinion of a selected group of "conoceurs" in the subject was taken in count) the episode felt like a good approach but a rough scratch in the surface of the characters. In general the time was perceived as short and the proposal like breve, but all in all it was a good launch to a new series, it let the audience wanting to know more.

Three episodes in (episode 3 "Looking into your browser history" will air the 1st of february 2014) and things are getting interesting. Patrick (played by Jonathan Groff) does not look like a dumb insecure and provincial little boy abducted from an all boys school in the mid 80s, insecurities and will to succeed enter the scene and he doesn´t look just khaki with a shirt of squares; The life of Agustin (Frankie J. Alvares) suffers an existential set back and a major change that puts his artistic talent and his restlessness in motion; and Dom (Murray Bartlett) gets the courage to take the steps he has been postponing, by having an acquaintance from the past eating in his table and pushing the right buttons.

The veils of formality and perfection are falling as we get to know these men in San Francisco trying to make a living and fighting to have a life where everything seems in set, but where all is infected by holes and weak foundations; nothing is what it seems, in the words of Geri Halliwell, "what you see ain´t what you are getting", in a good way, writers show just enough to make viewers look forward for the next episode and let know that appearances are not what they seem to be.

In general the show feels real, the use of locations instead of scenography makes the film effect believable, while the make-up (or lack of it), make the characters approachable and far more relatable (in QAF, Brian Kinney had no pores or expression lines whatsoever and Michael Novotny no trace of fat in his body); it is good to show what the audience wants to become, although, showing who they really are in bone and flesh hits to the heart like one of Cupid´s arrows.

So far so good, new characters make appearance and this story, that felt like pizza dough in the first minutes on the air, starts to get spiced up, lets see what all this cooking turns into.

And the lottery winning numbers are...

This is the first time I have a blog, I really didn´t know how it was going to go and to be honest, I´m still trying to figure out what this whole thing is about. It certainly is a therapeutic act you know, decompress through words everything we have in mind, also, let know the world that you are thinking, I mean, we all are, right? some more than others, at the end I guess I did this because I wanted to put out in the universe my words, my lines, my phrases and all the silly and important (at least to me) things that crossed my mind. First inspired by a friend with a try specific purpose, I thought I was going to talk about the things I know, but less and less happen that, I´m starting to speak about the things I remember and the unknown as well, some of the ones I know, although I´m here to learn, in the blog and in life, I´m sure we can always do our best to know as much as possible, but we learn something new every day, tiny little lesson or a big deal.

I consider myself a very lucky guy, I always wish I´d win the lottery and suddenly become ultra rich, not to splurge in materialistic stuff, but more to help and to travel. What first comes to mind when I imagine I win, lets say, 50 million dollars, it´s a fund to start building dwelling for the homeless in the poorest areas, first starting in Mexico and then extending to the rest of the world, not just with my resources, but gathering as much as help and donations possible from others as fortunate as me (lets make as if I just won the lottery in this paragraph of curse). Then it is a great trip around the world. I have a cousin that teaches english and spanish, she´s really good at it, one of his students since long ago even speaks perfect mexican spanish with a bit of a Sinaloa accent, not that I´m saying that having a northern Mexico accent is cool, but it is great that she is so good at speaking spanish (thanks to her work as student, but also thanks to my cousin for her wonderful work as teacher) that she could easily pass by one mexican from a certain part of the country. Well, she is usually hired by a very luxurious Cruise company, she´s been lucky to be in those awesome ships to Alaska, South America, the Mediterranean and more. One time she told me about this cruise that leaves out of LA and travels around the world towards Asia all the way to London!! What about that? it is a 105 days trip, I know, a lot of tim, but I would definitely take my family and close friends to that trip, I would pay their debt first and see who can do it, for my grandparents I would else bring a doctor, not that they are sick or anything, they are perfect, I just want to make sure that they are covered in every way and feel relaxed about their health. So, this cruise leaves LA and goes to Hawaii, then Japan, China, South East Asia, India, Than the coast of Africa, you know, Zanzibar and Madagascar and stuff, then South Africa and afterwards all the way up to the other coast of Africa, the Canarias Isllands, Morocco, Portugal, Spain, France and at the end, good old London; what about a trip, right? obviously I would pay a good room with big windows and I would bring the two cats and the little bitch, and I would workout at least five times per week, I mean, this is a very fancy cruise, but they still have this All-You-Can-Eat modality in most of the restaurants, and I have a very sweet teeth, and I really like good food, so, I´d rather run and workout a lot and eat without guilt; I´d make my green shake at least four times a week, I like it, it´s not just that I take it to be thin and healthy, I actually like the favor and the way it makes me feel, I will post the recipe later in another post.

That´s what I would do, would´t splurge in super expensive possessions a lot, I rather invest in experiences, and make my entire family happy, including my grandparents, I love them so much and they would love that trip. 105 days to just relax and have a good time. 

I think we all dream of having this "Hit of fortune", however it presents, you know, lottery, unknown millionaire relative leaving everything to us or finding a treasure (this one demands more work, but I would also like it). Fortune works in so many ways, some times we don´t imagine how, but it could be saving us from an accident, that is the lottery of life, I think I have been lucky in that way, I´ve been afraid of some decease and I´m still here, healthy writing this lines and thanking the universe for keeping me in this world and have the things I need and wish (with measure, the lottery winning ticket will come soon enough to enjoy it and make the projects and dreams come true), be in a place I´ve always wanted to live in, enjoying love, friends, pets, family, working out, sunrises and sunsets, beaches and also traveling. 

For all that I´m grateful. 

I will not write long today, I´ve checked and some posts have been pretty intense in terms of amount of words, and I don´d want to tire anybody that´s privileging me with the attention and time to pass an eye to the things I have to say… Not that I do not have a lot to say, but I will save it for tomorrow. 

In an Air France flight from LAX to Istanbul via Paris never too many years ago

So I liked to have a little control of everything so what! I remember when I was 15 and organizing the squared things (things, whatever I would posses) in 45º angle in relation to the drawing unit in my bedroom, and turning the volume up or down in multiples of 5, although multiples of 10 were preferable, but that was just too loud or too low for my ears, at the end I would have to compromise and have it in multiples of 5. I was a real mess back then, whatever I could control outside of my skin I would and I did. Then the therapy days arrived and everything was different and then having all catalogued around me didn´t seem to appealing anymore, I was busy organizing the mess I had in the attic and basement of my head.

There have been times in life when I thought everything was done for good, once I was diagnosed with a tumor of the size of my fist (I have a big fist), it was growing inside me and then everything seemed so fragile, I went back home and afterwards to school and kept studying and acting as if nothing was happening, although it was, but I got over that, one tumor down and I was released from treatment, although I get regular check ups every year now. Then there was this time when I was pleasantly flying to Istanbul from LAX via Charles de Gaulle and the plane started to shake up bad, and then more bad, and then worse and after a while we were praying for our lives, emergency exits ready to pop up an all; I started calming down my sister by reassuring her that everything was Ok and that it was completely normal, but after more than an hour of being in a blender one of the stewardesses passed by our row pale as a raw flour tortilla and with watery eyes and it was then when I got scared, I will not elaborate more, but a started reassuring my sister that she had an amazing life to that point, she had travelled around the world (even though she was super young), she had had sex, she had loved, she had had a beautiful life and that´s it, everything got worse than five minutes before, we were kind of out of control for a little while and it felt like centuries, but at some point everything stopped, the pilots gained control of the craft and ten minutes later we were landing safe at Istanbul´s airport. I was never more happy to be stepping feet over ground, I was in an exotic place (it was to me) I had always dreamed of and was ready to start living again, all the passengers screaming and crying in the plane got me very tired, but I was loving every minute of my life since then.

I can not say that I had a near-death experience whatsoever, nevertheless those two events have sculpted a part of who I am now, I did not see any light at the end of a tunnel, yet I know what it is to fear a disastrous tragic accident or a long painful agony, just the fear of them makes something shift inside one´s body, it affects the mind, the heart and the entire body, your whole system resets and even though one acts as if it wash´t a big thing, life starts to slow down and makes everything around infinitely more appreciative, every day the sun comes up is a present one´s very happy to receive.

There are occasions when I forget that, just because some driver in front of me takes longer to press gas in a green light I get angry, I keep in that mood for another few minutes and I may even say something hurtful to somebody I care about around me just to decompress; afterwards I stop, take a breath and see how minuscule and microscopic this is in comparison, I relax and thank that I get mad at small things sometimes and forget what I have experienced, I try to recover, say sorry and move on, recovering memory of what I´ve been through.

I don´t say that everything has to be measured by that scale, the scale of death I mean, because at the end it hash´t happened to me yet, I obviously would´t be here if that would had happened, but it puts things in perspective and makes you appreciate more, not just life and rain and rainbows and unicorns and little kitties and bunnies and stuff, but the silly little things as well. Once I said to a special person that was distressing because of a solvable thing that as for me, I start from the place where I have nothing, nothing belongs to me, not even the material properties I have payed for, and from then on, whatever comes is a great gift, an unexpected bonus from life, then we smiled and looked for a way to solve things out.

I´m not saying that one should accept a smack in the mouth and then offer one of the chicks for the next one either, I could not hang on to that not even once. I say one has to fight for justice as to fight for life, I have always been a pretty healthy guy, I smoked cigarettes for a few years, but not for long and I donut do it now of course, but I have never done drugs (not that I think they are wrong, they are not just for me) and I barely drink, as soon as I knew a tumor was inside me I started drinking green tea like crazy and eating almost exclusively greens and making this green shake I still have for breakfast four or five times per week. One has to stand for oneself, it is also bad karma if you allow other people abuse of you, your work or anything that´s related to you making you feel taken advantage of, one has to speak and accuse if necessary, yeah, someone may say "welcome to the kinder garden" but I really don´t care, if I don´t get my way at least I´m not going to let anyone abuse me or someone I love, it is not about abusing the potential abuser, it is about letting the abuser know you know that he knows that you know who the abuser is… basically… as tongue twister(ish) as it sounds. At the end is about you riding your machine at the gym placidly knowing you didn´t just let a stranger step over you, after that you keep going with your cardio session, then weight lifting and then some cardio to end and then home.

One does not need to be on the edge of death to wake up, but some of us need some help to get in perspective in life. I´m happy I passed through a rough time studying architecture, keeping great grades, developing the best projects, maintaining a relationship together and staying calmed, while having biopsies and tests, treatments and eventually surgery, and more treatment afterwards. I´m glad I took the plane to Istanbul, that turbulence didn´t just shake the plane, it shacked my brain as well, also my heart and certainly my will to enjoy every single minute of the rest of my life, as long or short it shall be.

Cooking Veggie lasagna and running with cherish ones

They say nothing beats the original, I think that applies in so many ways to the reason why we start doing things for us in the first place. Staying true to yourself is a draining endeavor nowadays, all these stimulation and different opinions making us doubt of our motives, making us question our purposes in life.

I wrote about friendship before, that is one true thing I appreciate the most, real friendship. After some years in the dark, some friends have reemerged at some points in time, some of them fade out to blacks in slow motion, almost frame by frame, so slow you are actually aware of what is going on and you stop and feel it, I realized that with some and even then I let it happened. At a point in my life reaching my big 3 0 I started to ask for all the shallow people to move away from the premises of my existence, at first I was hesitant, I would say it convinced but quietly, I got my petition stronger every time, till I actually demanded the unnecessary "friends" to just disappear instantly… And they did, a lot of people I thought to be family suddenly just weren´t there anymore and I thanked for that.

Today I am grateful because mirages of brothers and sisters have left, now friendship is even more valuable to me, life has taught me that I need to see beyond appearances, and sometimes what it seems like a real connection, it´s just a small coalition of souls saying hello on their way to wherever they may go, it is not a bad thing or a good thing, it is just the fortune we have to learn about us and about what we shall and shall not be or do.

Staying true to one´s self is hard but it is priceless to remember what we came to the world for or what we think it is our purpose in life. I know I´m here for the enjoyment of living, to learn through great positive surprises and hard awful recoveries, I have, at times, completely forgotten of who I am and when light strikes like a flipflop thrown by the universe in my face, like a "verdadero chanclaso", I have nothing else but to stop and regroup and start over if necessary… Fortunately that hasn´t been needed too often, only once or twice, I know I have the hability of reinventing myself, but I´m not Madonna and I have to stick to some members of my family… Luckily I mean… For me I mean… although for them as well, I can be a true sunshine when I put my heart to it.

I started a career and I knew it wasn´t my last one but I successfully finished it anyway, being true to myself is acknowledging that I´m a nerd and that I like good grades and feeling relax about the end of the semester, and end things after all; then as I finished I restarted the one would make the "spine" of my working days, and I love it. At some points I thought I was a communist trapped in the body of a almost 20 years old blondish gay guy that loved beautiful things; sometimes I thought I was  a shallow little prick that was meant to be the bad in the story; Other times I thought I was crazy and that everything was caused by an error in the Matrix, now at the end I still walk my path sure of what I like and, although I´m all of the above, I´m also so many things more, and I´m still discovering more angles of me that I didn´t know I had.

All the friends that have left teached me a lesson because of their departure, I may have also detoured my route because of me wanting to walk along with them… Because it was so much fun and because it felt right at the moment. All the lessons learned are kept in the heart and mind and all of the ones that left make the ones that are still in my life even more precious, those that I run with, those that I travel with, those that I plan on biking with, all those that I cook veggie lasagna for (or any dish for that matter), those that I listen to music with, those that I dork with endlessly in person, by phone or chat… all those I feel so fortunate to have and when I set in my status that I´m "Grateful" it is in part because they are part of my existence in this planet.

In the road we are and we bump into each other for a short amount of time or for longer periods. For all the real friends, for all the not so real ones, for the casual acquaintances, for the family and the wonderful surprises I have had on the way I´m grateful, I do not regret stepping into anyone´s life and I certainly have loved every single lesson I had from anyone stepping into mine. From this very moment, in this very seat, under this very light, I have the certainty that I have no idea where I will be in a year from now, and I don´t care. What I know is that I will keep building up myself in all possible ways, trying to keep my mind clear and my wheel on track, I will have fun on the way, but I hope I am at the end of all in a year and forever happily surprised.